Wednesday, March 11, 2009

A Public Service Announcement for Socially-Inept Men

Last week at a social activity I noticed that one of my friends, who is still a bit of a novice to the single social scene, seemed a bit uncomfortable around a guy that she had just met. I swooped in and removed her from the awkward situation. I've had my times of similar situations when I needed rescuing too, even from "Superman" (a guy once introduced himself as Superman). She was a bit weirded out by the guy who seemed a bit forward and "touchy." I had to reassure her while she had just met a couple of weird guys, there are plenty of decent ones too, and she just happened to come across a couple "outliers." Those are the kinds of guys that stand out the most. I have met quite a few of them myself, and would like to take a moment to turn this post into a type of Public Service Announcement for guys who might be one of those left side outliers on the socially appropriate scale. This advice is based on personal experiences. Feel free to include your own ( for guys and gals).

1. Never grab a woman's waist unless you are and she's comfortable with it or 2. you are dancing to actual music (imagined music or humming doesn't count) and only after you have asked her to dance.

2. If you invite her over for some home-cooked food to show off some mad cooking skills, make sure the food is decent. Gravy should not have the appearance nor the consistency of wet cement. I'd rather settle for a bowl of cereal. Cooking skills are definitly a plus, but I'm actually quite content with just a PB&J that is made with love.

3. Weapons do not have their place in most social conversation, especially when you have known the other person for only 5 minutes. Do not mention the machete and rope you keep in the back of the car. That is just creepy.

4. Beware of a flat affect. This can also come across as creepy. Show some facial expresion. Smile. Use a little voice inflection.

5. Do not claim that you have "special healing powers" or that you have "The Prophet" as a nickname.

6. Never underestimate the value of smelling good, or just even the absence of B.O.

7. Don't stare. Open mouth staring is even worse. Even if you don't think she notices, one of her girlfriends will and she will mention it to her.

8. Do not use Facebook applications to express your feelings about your crush or ask her out (not an actual experience, but I still find it really lame.)

9. On the first date, use discretion if you want to mention that you like to play "Dungeons and Dragons".


Nicole said...

Oh my, that list is just...brilliant. Oh, how many of these have I come across!? Luckily I found a guy that had enough sense not to break these rules.

Amanda said...

Hilarious!! Thanks for a good morning laugh. I especially liked the ones about the machete and Dungeons and Dragons. Hope you are doing well.

Andrea said...

I love this post Jennete! I feel like copying it and emailing it to all the guys in my ward. I especially love the one about B.O.

Anonymous said...

haha... so true! might i add that asking a girl to hang out by text doesn't count as a date either. : )

Ah-der said...

I love the list! I want to add one:
Ignoring me in group settings and then trying to hit on me by text message after I leave is not flattering. It's insulting.

Ugh- And if I didn't want to go out with you and then you dated my sister for a few months, don't try to ask me out again after you break up. Being my sister's Ex is NOT more attractive.

Oh no--You've got me started! Haha. I'll stop there.